I recently shared a new before and after on Facebook (stay tuned, I'll show you too!), and at the risk of sounding vain... I couldn't believe the attention it received. I was blown away by how impressed folks were, especially considering I've seen most of them recently while out in our local town.
Sometimes I forget that while my 'before' is very, very, very fresh in my own mind... it's not in others'.
Most days I have to remind myself that I've lost over a hundred pounds. I'm constantly holding myself back from things because I still see myself as the 'before' version of me. Though I'm more confident, I still have moments where I freeze in panic when I approach a new restaurant booth and am unsure if I fit. I'm always surprised when I do. It's as if my brain hasn't caught up to my body.
A great example of this was at a wedding I recently photographed. The church where they were married was one I had photographed another wedding in about five years ago. Long before I lost weight. During that ceremony I had tried to sit in the pews, but unfortunately the space between the pews was so small, that I couldn't fit. It was a long ceremony and I ended up exhausted by the end of it because I just... couldn't fit to sit. Fast forward to the wedding I did this September in that same church and queue the anxiety. I walked in with my breath caught in my throat as I eyed up the still-so-tiny space between. When we were instructed to sit for the first time, I stayed standing because I wasn't ready to attempt it again. I was so scared. However, soon after... I told myself that if I went the entire ceremony without trying I'd be more disappointed than if I don't fit again, so I tried. Lo and behold - I fit! I mentally screeched in celebration and couldn't to tell my sister all about it.
After speaking with many weight-loss success story individuals over the course of my journey so far, I've come to realize that this is incredibly common. So common, in fact, that there's a legitimate medical term for it.
While beginning the planning for this blog, I knew the disorder name but I wasn't really sure how to explain it properly as most of the articles I've found are very medical and relate more to those who feel they're too big when they aren't or they just simply feel they're ugly when there's absolutely nothing ugly about them. BDD can affect more than just those with extreme weight-loss, too. People who have lost smaller amounts are just as likely to be impacted by BDD, as it's rarely connected to the amount of weight lost. Luckily I found this incredible blog post found here that explains it perfectly, and I would encourage you to read as well.
"“While weight can quantified by a stepping on a scale, a person’s self-image is a more abstract thing,” Billings said. “Our beliefs, past experiences, relationships, cultural context and behavior all play a part in how we think and feel about ourselves.” If some of those areas haven’t changed despite the weight loss, he said, a person might still feel the same way about themselves as they did when they were heavier."
This really hit home for me. It really ties into my personal beliefs, too, that being overweight doesn't have to equal being unhappy, it just often does. I've met plenty of heavy guys and gals that are totally happy and in love with themselves! If you've read my story, you'll know that a huge part of my WHY is that I wanted to find happiness.
When I posted this before and after photo and the comments and likes flooded in, I was taken aback immediately. I still am. The last time I checked it was at over 260 likes! It shocked me that people were so surprised by my progress, I thought to myself... don't they see the girl on the left still when they see me? I know I do most days. As I'm getting ready for work and grabbing my favourite smallest-size-ever jeans, I still question if they'll really fit. Then they do. Honestly, most days they're too loose now too. When I'm shopping with my sister and she grabs me a size from the rack, I always argue with her and tell her to grab a bigger size. She never listens, of course, and naturally... she's always right. Please don't tell her I said that, for the love of all things good in this world, don't tell her.
It manifests itself in so many different ways. One night I remember sitting at home, I was feeling extra confident and decided to snap a selfie. When I looked at the result of the selfie I actually felt a tightening in my chest as I looked at the girl on my phone. I didn't recognize her. I felt the panic seep in as I stared at my "reflection" and couldn't stop trying to figure out who that girl was. I was uncomfortable and to be completely vulnerable with you, a little scared. I was scared because my brain and my eyes weren't lining up with reality. I thought there was something wrong with me. I ended up deleting that photo and not taking another that night.
I know that a big part of BDD comes from my mental health, which makes this blog even more perfect since we just celebrated National Mental Health Awareness Day. I'm so proud of the progress I've made in my journey physically, but also mentally. While I still struggle to see the current me instead of the old me, I do know that the progress I've made majorly out-weighs (ha-ha, puns) the struggles I still have.
"“Working on viewing oneself as a whole person with varying parts, interests and facets – as opposed to over-identifying with and/or attaching so much importance on the physical self – could also be helpful,” Billings said."
Starting today, October 12th, when this blog post is going live -- I'm making a promise to myself to actively work on this. Viewing myself as a whole, complete person. Because that's exactly what I am.
Thanks for reading and following along my journey!
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My son and I are really enjoying the Nutralean. I love the Salted Caramel and Coffee Mocha. Strawberry is his favorite.
Totally delicious and beat part guilt free!!
Love this product, down 12 pounds and feeling great!
Best protein powder ever! Bowels working so much better. So great to get the prebiotic fiber
I like the taste of the Nutrabites! I didn’t at first, plus they arrived all clumped together (but apparently that is rectified ).
Heating them for eight seconds (per bite) in the microwave makes them taste even better.
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After using this protein powder for a while. I'm feeling better than I have in a very long time. No reflux or upset tummy.Plus the fact it makes it alot easier to get my daily protein in each day. I really love these shakes and the fact I can also add it to things I'm cooking.Thank you so much for everything.Big Hug
They are delicious & satisfying
Very tasty snacks with a good dose of protein. I especially like the mint ones.
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I LOVE IT!!! I like the taste and that I can mix it with water or whatever types of milks I like. It mixes up really well no clumps, no yucky after taste. I also plan to cook with it soon.
They were great tasting, really enjoyed them especially the mint chocolate .would like to see better packaging but other than that I would buy them again :)
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The product does what it says. The protein is a little thick with small particles in the mix. If you can get past this, it's for you.
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I love both flavors of the nutrabites! They leave me nice and full and I don't go looking to snack any further after I've snacked on a nutrabite!
I am a HUGE fan of mint chocolate and even though I kicked sugar a long time ago I still find the cravings can be so bad sometimes! This is where my new nutrabites have become a game changer. Usually I’d make a nutracelle mug cake or some kind of cheesecake bite but some days more cooking is the absolute last thing I want to do. Now I just grab one or two (sometimes three 🤭) of my mint chocolate nutrabites and I am 100% satisfied and 100% guilt free!!
I love my coffee mocha!!!
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It's great for these hot days and don't really feel like eating.
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Loved the Coffee Mocha sample. Will definitely be in my next order
NUTRALEAN Prebiotic Protein Powder | Coffee Mocha
Love the chewy dense texture, crunchy bits, flavour & find them very filling. Chocolate mint isn't too minty, but just right. Chocolate chunk needs improvement as I've yet to find any chocolate chunks/chips no matter how small a bite I take.
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I had a bad first experience that I have already addressed with Jordan, my votes arrived all clumped together due to the heat. I love the protein powder but for the price of these nutrabites I am going to attempt to make my own using the recipe in the book.
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Like the title says the mint balls are my favorite. I like the chocolate chunk but the taste of flax seed is very prominent in the chocolate one and im not a fan. Ill buy for sure again but only the mint one.
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